Might as well stay off the internet on April 1st.

It's all ha-ha until you realize that some versions of Dartmouth BASIC actually had matrix operation primitives, and so might've been a good choice for implementing GPU-accelerated linear algebra kernels. (It was also compiled; Microsoft basically established BASIC's reputation as a slow language by shipping an interpreter-only version for the Altair and later machines. As usual, Microsoft gonna Microsoft.)